Mo Yan: All the people who hurt you are doing it on purpose

Mo Yan wrote in his essay “Our Fears and Hopes”:

"In my childhood life,

what left a deep impression on me,

besides hunger and loneliness,

was fear.

For decades,

the real harm came from people,

and the ones I truly feared were also people."

Being bullied,

humiliated,

and hurt by villagers,

almost贯穿了莫言的整个少年时代。

When his mother was gathering wheat ears,

she was slapped to the ground by someone rushing over,

bleeding from her nose and mouth.

His elder brother was admitted to Central China Normal University,

becoming the first college student in Gaomi Northeast Township,

which was a big event in the village.

Not only did the family not receive blessings,

but they were met with cold words and gossip.

This family was composed of old middle farmers,

yet they produced a university student.

And because Mo Yan was hungry and only stole a single red carrot from the production team,

he was brought before his father and severely reprimanded.

Later, he joined the army,

and no one from the village saw him off,

and they repeatedly wrote letters to report him.

All this was because Mo Yan’s family was classified as middle-class farmers,

the least favored in the village,

everyone could step on them.

After reading about Mo Yan’s experiences,

I remembered a saying:

"All those who hurt you,

do so intentionally,

they weigh the pros and cons when hurting you,

they keep comparing,

and finally choose to hurt you."

Human nature is just like that.

When you are strong,

someone treats you with spring breeze kindness; when you are weak,

someone hurts you with cold wind.

01

If you have no temper,

others will hurt you.

In the movie “Blacklist,” there is a classic line:

"Why do others dare to do bad things to you,

because they think they can do bad things to you

without paying any price."

Many times,

bad people bully you

because your temper is too good.

In “Dream of the Red Chamber,” Yingchun,

nicknamed “Second Wooden Head,”

means she wouldn’t say a word even if pricked by a needle.

The wet nurse stole her “Gathering Pearls, Weaving Gold Phoenix” to gamble,

after the truth was exposed,

the wet nurse bit back,

accusing Yingchun of taking her money.

As the mistress,

being stolen from and slandered by servants,

Yingchun not only didn’t get angry,

but tried to settle the matter peacefully.

She only said: "Stop,

stop,

stop.

Save some trouble,

it’s better to have nothing,

why make trouble."

Tanchun and Ping’er defended her,

and when the maid embroidered a tangerine,

Yingchun, however, always tried to smooth things over,

allowing the villains to become more rampant.

Her good temper,

ultimately became her weakness.

Her father owed a large sum of silver,

and pawned her to Sun Shaozu,

and she surprisingly chose to obey.

Soon after marriage,

she was abused to death by Sun Shaozu.

Similarly, as a mistress,

Tanchun’s temper was vastly different from Yingchun’s.

When the Grand View Garden was inspected,

the old maid bullied her maid,

Tanchun boldly protected her,

and slapped the bully loudly.

Tanchun never kept grievances inside,

any dissatisfaction she had,

she vented directly,

not even Wang Xifeng dared to provoke her.

There is a saying: compared to respecting a person with a good temper,

people are more willing to respect someone who gets angry.

There are such people in life,

you are gentle and friendly,

yet they bully and hurt you.

Psychology has a famous “Broken Windows Effect”:

If a window in a house is broken,

and no one repairs it,

soon other windows’ glass will also be broken;

if graffiti appears on a wall,

and is not cleaned promptly,

the wall will soon be covered with all sorts of scribbles.

The same applies to people.

When someone tries to offend you,

if you do not stop them in time,

they will only escalate.

No matter who you deal with,

do not have too good a temper.

Only when you face the world with sharpness,

will the world become more gentle and refined.

02

If you have no strength,

others will hurt you.

When Mo Yan first tried writing,

many people did not support him,

even mocked him face-to-face.

Later, with “Red Sorghum,” he shook the literary world,

at every industry gathering,

many people gathered around him,

not to praise his writing,

but to say he was good at storytelling.

Shen Congwen also had similar experiences,

when he started writing,

he submitted manuscripts to the magazine “Morning Post Supplement.”

The editor glued his manuscripts with paste,

and threw them all into the trash,

mocking: "Take a look,

this is Shen the Great Writer’s work."

Years later,

Shen Congwen’s works became more outstanding,

and he was appointed as a lecturer at Qingdao University.

By then,

those who once mocked him,

were all polite to him.

As Mo Yan said,

people are polite to you,

not because their quality has improved,

but because you have become stronger.

When you are weak,

there are more bad people.

Once you become stronger,

you will find that everyone around you is good.

Guo Degang once joked on a show:

"Before, I was bullied by peers,

now I bully them."

In the late 1990s,

Guo Degang went alone to Beijing to learn cross-talk,

faced rejection and contempt from peers.

He did odd jobs in a theater troupe,

doing miscellaneous work,

all for the chance to stand on stage and perform.

He humbly begged everywhere,

saying as long as he could perform cross-talk,

he was willing to be a dog.

But the reply was: "Even if you want me to be a dog,

I won’t,

I’m afraid you’ll bite me."

Later,

Guo Degang apprenticed to Hou Yao Wen,

founded Deyun Society,

and after becoming famous,

many people actively sought to become his apprentices.

In “The Great Gatsby,” it says: The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem,

people only see your achievements.

Only those with enough strength

can see the good face of life,

and earn others’ respect.

03

If you have no value,

others will hurt you.

Harvard professor Mayhew once proposed a “Interpersonal Value Theory”:

Any relationship between people

is essentially an exchange of interests.

When you have utility,

you are surrounded by various people,

but once you lose your value,

you will be immediately isolated.

Writer Wu Man Lan Jiang has a friend,

whose father holds an important position in a certain institution.

Relying on his father’s reputation,

his friend deals daily with different businessmen,

and his small business flourishes.

But almost overnight,

all his friends,

business partners,

disappeared.

Why?

Because his father retired.

During the company’s operation,

when facing difficulties,

he sought help from those former close friends,

only to be turned away.

As a result,

he was depressed for a long time.

Later,

he finally understood,

these so-called friends were just using him.

Hoping to gain resources from his father.

Now that his father has retired,

he is useless.

Human nature is inherently selfish,

when you are of no value,

no one truly loves you.

As a saying goes: When you are useful to others,

human nature is kind.

Your value

determines your position in others’ eyes,

and also influences their attitude towards you.

Writer Li Shanglong, when in college,

wanted to get closer to a teacher,

carried fruit to find him late at night.

Later,

when he faced difficulties,

he hoped this teacher could lend a hand,

but the teacher coldly replied: “No time.”

Years later,

Li Shanglong was teaching at New Oriental,

and had published books and gained some fame.

One late night,

he unexpectedly received a call from that teacher.

After a few words of greeting,

the teacher got to the point,

hoping Li Shanglong could introduce a reliable English teacher from New Oriental for his child.

A sentence touched me: The relationship with anyone,

is not really about how good you are to others,

but about how many chips you hold.

When you have value,

everyone smiles at you; when you have no value,

all you see are butts.

▽

Finally,

I want to share a quote I really like:

"No matter who you meet,

they are meant to appear in your life,

for a reason,

and can teach you a lesson,

this person will bring you something,

either surprise or growth.

Some people’s existence makes us feel the beauty of life,

while others are here to test us,

to temper our resilience,

and help us grow."

Those who hurt you,

are just reminding you: you are not strong enough yet.

Don’t just tolerate those who bully you,

face them bravely; for those who look down on you,

silently improve yourself,

that is the best response.

Cultivation is never about submission,

and aura is always the outward display of strength.