Never quite like it, Youthful Journey - Cryptocurrency Exchange Platform

Never as before, Youth of a Young Boy

In the palace, I am a person without a name. If asked, they all call me Ah Qi, because since I was very young, my best concealed weapon was the Seven-Star Dagger.

I am an orphan. When I was four, I was chosen by the Empress Dowager, that is, the former Empress, and together with six other girls, I was secretly and meticulously trained for twelve years. As the most outstanding among us, I was sent to serve beside Prince Luo, quietly protecting him as a maid. In the endless, complex, and treacherous political struggles, I will be the last line of defense that Prince Luo can rely on.

But Prince Luo sent me into the palace, asking me to protect a woman more important than his life.

I have always wondered what kind of woman could so captivate Prince Luo’s heart that he would disregard his own life. When I finally saw Mei Ren, I realized that what can captivate the soul can also be light—like a faint flickering candle in darkness, slowly emanating warmth and strength, making people involuntarily want to desperately guard this last glimmer of light.

I heard that before Mei Ren entered the palace, she was warm and bright like a small sun, but when I saw her, only a flickering candle remained. Yet, when the surrounding environment is an endless, vast darkness, even this faint, shimmering candlelight is enough to make people want to desperately get close.

1

Among the same batch of noble ladies entering the palace, Mei Ren held the highest rank, but she was not favored at all. The emperor did not see her alone even once in two months. Mei Ren, however, was content, often doing needlework, helping Lady Zhu with children, or going to Qing Tan Palace to chat with Concubine He and Lady Qiu, quite at ease. I was happy too, because I couldn’t imagine that if Mei Ren threw herself at the emperor, how would Prince Luo’s heart be torn apart.

Once, my skirt was torn by a rose vine in the courtyard corner. Mei Ren surprisingly offered to mend my clothes. I anxiously refused, but Mei Ren smiled and said, “You don’t know, no one in this palace is better at sewing than I am.”

Actually, I knew. I had seen the fan covers, pouches, sachets, and a painting called “Autumn Geese of Jiangnan” by Wu Shan Ju that Prince Luo treasured. Sometimes, he would stare at that painting all night.

But in the end, the emperor still came. Seeing Mei Ren’s panicked and flustered eyes, I had to grit my teeth and leave her alone in the room.

I kept watch outside all night. With my skills, I only needed to concentrate and listen carefully to hear their words and even their breathing clearly. I stubbornly stayed at the door, even though I didn’t know what I would do if I heard them sleeping together.

Fortunately, the emperor did not do anything to Mei Ren.

Mei Ren was indeed stunning and irresistible to any man, but I also knew that the emperor was always cold and detached, never letting desire or passion hurt his friendship with Prince Luo.

The next day, Mei Ren became Ming Jieyu.

2

When I secretly went to see Prince Luo, he was twirling a treasured sword in his hand, gleaming coldly.

I knew that Prince Luo must have already heard the news that after Mei Ren served him, she was promoted to Ming Jieyu. I must have felt sorrow and grief in my heart, but he only asked me routinely whether Ming Jieyu was well and if there were any hidden dangers that needed early intervention.

I answered one by one. When I left, I couldn’t bear it and carefully told Prince Luo, “Ming Jieyu did not…”

“The affairs between them have nothing to do with you,” Prince Luo interrupted me. “You only need to protect her well.”

I bid farewell and turned to leave, seeing Prince Luo still lost in thought, holding his sword.

“The affairs between them have nothing to do with you.”

Watching Prince Luo’s stern back, I suddenly understood that this sentence was probably also a warning to himself.

When the emperor came to see Ming Jieyu again, because he dared not underestimate her beauty’s appeal to a normal man, I stubbornly stayed at the door. That night, someone suddenly said that Guo Xiuyi might be giving birth, and asked the emperor to go over. Others stopped him, saying that the emperor and Ming Jieyu had already fallen asleep and it was inconvenient to disturb them. But I was very willing to pass on the message for Guo Xiuyi.

Yet, the emperor still stayed. I secretly thought something was wrong and kept my guard outside the door. At midnight, a sudden thud came from the quiet room. I immediately lit a candle and went inside the inner chamber, only to see Ming Jieyu lying on the ground, still deeply asleep, as if she had fallen off the bed.

I breathed a sigh of relief, about to put down the candlestick and carry her back to the soft couch, but the emperor had already gotten out of bed: “Let me do it.”

The emperor lifted Ming Jieyu from the ground. I approached with the candle and saw that her forehead was already swollen from a bump. The emperor frowned: “Is she usually this restless when she sleeps?”

I said yes, she often has to tuck her into bed several times in the middle of the night.

The emperor frowned and said, “Got it.” Then he laid Ming Jieyu on the big bed and rested himself on the soft couch.

This was the only conversation I had with the emperor, and I deeply regretted my own gossip. Because from then on, whenever the emperor came to stay overnight, he would personally get out of bed every night to check whether Ming Jieyu had kicked off her quilt, then quietly tuck her in again.

Fortunately, Ming Jieyu was easygoing and never knew about these things. Otherwise, if she was moved by the emperor’s tenderness and changed her heart, I would have to go to Prince Luo and beg for forgiveness with my life.

Soon after, Ming Jieyu suddenly heard that the emperor was going to betroth Princess Hua An to the eldest son of the Xiao family. She hurriedly went to the Yanggong Hall to plead with the emperor to speak for Princess Hua An and the second son of the Xiao family. I waited outside the hall, but unexpectedly, I met Prince Luo there.

Prince Luo saw me and immediately understood that Ming Jieyu was inside. He was momentarily flustered but quickly calmed down, asking other palace servants whether it was inconvenient for the emperor at this time, and said he could come back later.

4

Even though she was just a door away from her beloved, I was unwilling to let Prince Luo leave so easily. I hurried a few steps to the door and conveyed that Prince Luo had arrived.

Prince Luo helplessly shook his head at me: “This king will go see the Empress Dowager first.”

At this moment, a voice like the emperor’s came from inside: “Let Prince Luo see the Empress Dowager first.”

Prince Luo looked deeply through the palace door, then turned and left quickly, his steps decisive, only a lavender embroidered sachet hanging at his waist swaying.

After a long while, when the palace door opened again, Ming Jieyu had obviously cried. She returned to Xin Zhi Palace, her eyes swollen, and quietly asked me, “Did you see him… does he feel sad too?”

I hesitated before answering: “Prince Luo? I think so…”

Then Ming Jieyu spent several nights crying secretly under her quilt, her eyes swollen so much she dared not go out during the day. Fortunately, she was easygoing and soon cheered herself up, laughing and joking with the noble consorts. I finally could give Prince Luo an explanation.

The emperor’s visits to Ming Jieyu increased, even though they always slept on separate beds. But the gentle gaze he occasionally cast while watching Ming Jieyu sew or do needlework made me increasingly uneasy. Loving someone truly is hard to hide, especially since the emperor only concealed his feelings for Ming Jieyu.

I secretly told Prince Luo that it seemed the emperor had fallen for Ming Jieyu. Prince Luo warned me again not to think that his superb martial arts would make them reluctant to abandon her, and not to repeatedly overstep his bounds in meddling between the emperor and Ming Jieyu. He didn’t need me to monitor Ming Jieyu, only to ensure her safety at all times.

I nodded and left, only to realize that I no longer could find a single piece of Ming Jieyu’s craftsmanship in Prince Luo’s entire estate.

Soon, the emperor promoted Ming Jieyu to Zhaoyi, a nominal title of Ming Zhaoyi. If he later promoted her to a nominal Empress, I would believe it. Perhaps the emperor simply couldn’t express love for Ming Zhaoyi openly, only giving her endless favor in name. Even a false title is a kind of solace.

But a few days later, when Ming Zhaoyi asked Lady Qiu, pregnant with the imperial heir, to step on her shoulders to climb the wall, I was utterly stunned.

I knew exactly how to protect Ming Zhaoyi from external harm, but I had no idea how to stop her from self-destructing.

When Lady Qiu fell, I was quick to try to pull Ming Zhaoyi away, but she crawled under Lady Qiu’s body, fearing that the unborn dragon in her belly might be lost. In the end, Ming Zhaoyi was fractured with two ribs and banished to the Cold Palace. I was also punished by the noble consort to kneel for a day and night, then led twenty military lashes at the eastern camp.

Twenty lashes were only superficial injuries. I even sneaked back to the palace that same day to recover, others thought I was too exhausted from kneeling too long and didn’t ask more, only that I had some difficulty applying medicine.

After healing, Prince Luo arranged for me to deliver food and medicine to the Cold Palace. I then learned that conditions there weren’t bad. Ming Zhaoyi was a cheerful person, chatting and enjoying flowers with Qi Zhao Rong every day, living quite comfortably. I said, with the emperor’s daily infatuation with Ming Zhaoyi, how could he bear to let her suffer in the Cold Palace?

Besides delivering supplies, I often secretly watched Ming Zhaoyi from the palace roof. In the Cold Palace, she still maintained her habit of stargazing every night. On cloudy days, she would sigh quietly. She told Qi Zhao Rong that the person she liked looked at her with a smile in his eyes, like a shining starry sky.

I never saw Prince Luo’s smile when he looked at Ming Zhaoyi. All I saw was the unfathomable sadness in his eyes. Thinking this way, it might be better for Prince Luo and Ming Zhaoyi to never meet again in this life. Not seeing each other’s current sorrow, they could still believe they were just stars and small suns in their memories.

I devoted myself to guarding Ming Zhaoyi in the Cold Palace for over three months, but I once again failed. Qi Zhao Rong caught smallpox, and Ming Zhaoyi refused to leave her side no matter what, even the emperor’s imperial decree was useless.

But I knew that if Prince Luo could persuade her, I would run to Jiangbei to deliver the news. However, before leaving the palace, I was stopped by the Empress Dowager’s people. She said I was still her person and wouldn’t allow me to bring her son back to risk.

So I was confined in Ning Shou Palace.

My guards were three sisters I trained with since childhood. They reminded me to recognize my duties, not to cross the line, not to invest too much emotion, because the person the master needs you to protect now might be the one who kills you the next moment.

7

Suddenly, I realized that the Empress Dowager seemed to have had murderous intent toward Ming Zhaoyi. With her strong will and decisive nature, only when Ming Zhaoyi died could her two sons be completely pulled out of this emotional quagmire.

My sisters said that fortunately, Prince Luo restrained himself, Ming Zhaoyi was obedient, and the emperor favored her, so the Empress Dowager gradually abandoned this idea.

So, it turns out that Prince Luo’s constant retreat and the emperor’s continuous favoring of Ming Zhaoyi were all to protect her.

But I knew too well the Empress Dowager. Over the years, she had always disregarded kinship and love for the sake of the country and the throne. If Ming Zhaoyi really caught smallpox this time, the Empress Dowager would surely seize the opportunity to settle everything once and for all. Even if the emperor had the intention, would he have the strength to protect Ming Zhaoyi against the Empress Dowager?

I had to find Prince Luo.

Indeed, I was the most outstanding among everyone. As long as I gave my all, no one could stop me. When I escaped from Ning Shou Palace, I heard that Qi Zhao Rong had died and Ming Zhaoyi had caught smallpox. I fled the palace, grabbed a fast horse, and headed straight to Jiangbei.

Prince Luo, upon hearing that Ming Zhaoyi had smallpox, immediately lost his composure and hurried back to the capital overnight. I was injured in the fight to escape the palace and had traveled a long distance, so I had to stay in Jiangbei to recover.

A few days later, Prince Luo returned to Jiangbei. I cared about Ming Zhaoyi’s condition, but he didn’t answer, only asking why I was willing to betray the Empress Dowager for Ming Zhaoyi.

8

I lowered my head: “To you all, I am just a tool. If I go to protect someone, I might end up killing someone. Only she truly relies on me and treats me sincerely.”

“You know, she only trusts your false identity.”

“So what? Anyway, you will always protect me, or I’ll say you’ve been spying on Ming Zhaoyi all along.”

Prince Luo smiled softly: “Do you know why I chose you in the first place? Not because your martial arts are the best, but because only you still believe in the goodness of this world.”

I was stunned: “But I am still the strongest in martial arts, right?”

Prince Luo nodded with a smile and said, “Help me watch her in the palace for a few more days, then come to the military camp to serve. The Empress Dowager can’t tolerate you anymore.”

When I quietly returned to the Cold Palace, I saw a strange girl at Ming Zhaoyi’s sickbed. I knew she was Wen Susu, the daughter of the famous doctor Wen, often mentioned by Ming Zhaoyi, Qiu Meiren, and Princess Hua An.

Every time she had a headache, fever, backache, Ming Zhaoyi would say, “If only Susu were here.”

But now, Prince Luo suspected that Wen Susu was the murderer who caused Ming Zhaoyi’s cousin’s death, and was worried she might also take Ming Zhaoyi’s life. I, who knew a little about medicine, was assigned to watch her.

Wen Susu seemed genuinely caring for Ming Zhaoyi, never leaving her side, working day and night, cautious and tender—no exaggeration to say she regarded her as a treasure.

9

I couldn’t help but think that Prince Luo was overthinking, even doubting that she could be so meticulous in caring.

Finally, Ming Zhaoyi fully recovered and became Ming Fei. I also withdrew from the scene, returning to Prince Luo’s estate to continue being his personal guard. Only then did I learn that Prince Luo promised Wen Susu that if she could save Ming Fei, he would marry her.

Could it be done like this?

I angrily confronted Prince Luo: “You should have told me earlier! I could threaten you with Ming Fei’s life a thousand times to marry me as Prince Luo’s consort!”

“Do you want to be Prince Luo’s consort too?” His gaze was unusually cold. “As long as you can be his consort, are you willing to die happily?”

I sensed something was wrong and questioned: “Could it really be Wen Susu…”

“Just because a girl’s vicious admiration pushed her into the abyss,” Prince Luo’s cold eyes spread with endless self-blame and remorse, “If I had been a little more restrained, just a humble prince, if I had loved her a little less, waited quietly until she was of age and then proposed marriage… It turns out I was the one who pushed her into the abyss.”

I didn’t know how to comfort him, only coldly said: “I’ll go kill Wen Susu right now.”

Prince Luo shook his head: “She is Raran’s lifesaver. I will keep my promise and marry her.” Then, his eyes turned even colder: “And she will pay the price.”

10

On Prince Luo’s wedding night, I delivered a jar of poisoned wine into the bridal chamber, pouring a cup for Wen Susu. She keenly detected the abnormal smell of the wine, her face turning pale instantly. I gave her the brightest smile of my life and turned to leave. After half an incense stick, Prince Luo also came out, as if he didn’t want to stay inside for another moment.

Wen Susu staggered to catch the doorframe, blood still on her lips: “Do you think I haven’t thought about killing her to completely cut off your thoughts?” Her voice was tragic, “But she is my best friend. If not for you, I would send her off with my sincerest blessings, be her godmother for her children, stay with her until we both become old and despised… It’s you, you who ruined us!”

“Miss Wen,” Prince Luo coldly turned around, “Until today, have you ever thought about what she would choose if she were in Raran’s place?”

Wen Susu was stunned for a moment, then her voice suddenly turned fierce and grim: “I don’t regret! The girl I saw all day long was you in a bright red wedding dress reflected under the red candles, and only I would accept the ancestral worship as Prince Luo’s wife. The more you love her and refuse to marry her for a lifetime, the more the world will think it’s because you miss me, Wen Susu. And the woman you love most will die in another man’s arms, and after death, she will only share a bed and a tomb with another man…”

Prince Luo only looked coldly at Wen Susu’s madness. I couldn’t hold back anymore, clutching a Seven-Star Dagger tightly, but I saw Wen Susu leaning on the doorframe and slowly collapsing, murmuring her last words:

“Raran, it’s me who’s at fault…”

11

This sentence finally made Prince Luo leave her with a full corpse.

But Wen Susu did not get the posthumous worship as Prince Luo’s wife. The true tomb of Prince Luo’s wife was a hollow cave, with only a title on the tombstone, no name. The death anniversary was indeed the third day of the second month, but there was no era name.

Later, I remembered that the third day of the second month was exactly one year after Ming Fei entered the palace. It turned out that Prince Luo had planned all this long ago.

To give the Wen doctor family an explanation, I took the blame for my infatuation with Prince Luo and poisoning the new bride, pretending to be beaten to death. In fact, after a few lashes, I was transferred from Ming Wei to an undercover guard.

Sometimes I still sneak to Zhiyun Palace to secretly watch Ming Fei. She was confined in the Cold Palace for half a year, and when she came out, everything had changed. Palace servants came and went frequently. She had long been used to all this and didn’t ask much about my disappearance.

One night, I went again to Zhiyun Palace and heard Ming Fei mumbling in her sleep: “Ah Qi, I’m thirsty.” The emperor got up to pour her water, asked who Ah Qi was, and Ming Fei was stunned, whispering: “Ah Qi was my former maid. She always stood at the door watching me sleep. I must have been half-asleep and thought she was still there, but I forgot this isn’t Xin Zhi Palace, and Ah Qi has long died of illness.”

The emperor coaxed Ming Fei to sleep, but did not return to his bed. Instead, he walked step by step to the window and stood there motionless. I held my breath outside the window for a long time until the emperor finally turned and left.

I quietly breathed a sigh of relief, used light skills to return to Prince Luo’s estate, but from then on, I dared not go again. I missed Ming Fei, but I was even more reluctant to trouble Prince Luo.

12

Soon, war broke out in the north. The court was at peace, and the Empress Dowager intended to send Princess Han Feng to marry, but Prince Luo and the emperor were united in purpose, resolutely volunteering for battle.

I was also filled with righteous zeal. I had been scheming in the chaotic court since I was young, but now I had the chance to fight for the homeland with the innocent-hearted Prince Luo. On the day of departure, Prince Luo drew his sword, mounted his horse, and saluted every soldier, then shouted loudly:

“Soldiers! Today, we will be the last line of defense against the enemy’s southward advance! If we fail, my sister will become a trophy of the enemy! Your wives and children will become prisoners and slaves! Today, I fight not for the court, but for my sister! For the one I love! Today, I also ask you to fight for your families! For the ones you love!”

“Fight! Fight! Fight!”

I shouted along with everyone, tears in my eyes.

Watching Prince Luo’s resolute gaze, I suddenly felt that in the face of great national and worldly affairs, personal small loves and hates are insignificant.

Later, I found out that at some point, Ming Fei also appeared on the city wall.

Prince Luo saw her and then looked up with a bright smile.

That was the first time I saw the brilliant starry sky in Prince Luo’s eyes, the real shining starry sky that Ming Fei had spoken of. I finally understood that the so-called homeland and the world are ultimately about protecting these small loves and hates. If each person’s small loves and hates can be preserved, then it is also a great love.

13

Prince Luo walked away decisively, but I couldn’t help but look back at Ming Fei a few more times, until I saw her fall into the emperor’s arms.

“Prince…” I turned to remind him.

Prince Luo still looked forward, slowly speaking: “It will be fine. The pain will pass, and then it won’t hurt anymore.”

Suddenly, his body tilted, and a mouthful of blood spurted onto the horse’s back.

I panicked. They say that young men vomit blood, and their years are not guaranteed.

Prince Luo didn’t care. He raised his hand to wipe the blood from the corner of his mouth and signaled me not to make a sound to avoid disturbing the army’s morale.

I remembered the last time I escaped from Ning Shou Palace, fighting with more than a dozen top experts, wounded all over, yet I didn’t vomit blood. But I didn’t know that the obsessive love between Prince Luo and Ming Fei was more deadly than the blades and axes of those top experts.

As soon as I arrived in the north, I couldn’t think about these anymore and threw myself into the battle. I didn’t understand Prince Luo’s military tactics, only following his commands—sometimes ambushing an enemy general, sometimes secretly releasing prisoners back to the enemy camp, sometimes rushing with dozens of horses carrying torches to run wildly on the mountain at night, sometimes setting fire to burn their supplies behind enemy lines, and sometimes even secretly setting fire to our own supplies.

I didn’t understand his purpose, but I always followed his orders because since we arrived, we kept winning.

14

But as autumn arrived, the situation suddenly worsened. Snow fell early in the north, the weather turned cold and icy, even the ink on Prince Luo’s writing desk froze. The generals in armor didn’t take off their armor at night, and the guards’ iron armor was difficult to bear in the cold. The soldiers couldn’t adapt to the harsh environment, and many fell ill. Meanwhile, the north wind howled fiercely, and the enemy took advantage of the opportunity to launch fire attacks, forcing our army to retreat step by step.

Amidst the lamentations, Prince Luo decided to use the enemy’s own tactics against them. During the retreat, he kept leaving behind large amounts of grain and hay, burying fire triggers among them. Before the enemy could celebrate their rich spoils, Prince Luo ordered the fire arrows to ignite the entire enemy camp.

In the end, the enemy had no choice but to surrender and fled northward.

After burning so much grain and hay, I couldn’t help but marvel at how wealthy and reckless Prince Luo was. He showed a tired smile: “It’s the emperor’s good son-in-law.”

I knew he was talking about Minister Xiao, Ming Fei’s father. I remembered him as a clumsy, chubby man who was usually not interested in officialdom, happily tinkering with his small business every day. But after his daughter entered the palace, he had to enter the court at an old age, calculating every grain and coin for the treasury, exhausting himself.

I muttered: “Thinking about it this way, Ming Fei is quite lucky. So many people are protecting her in different ways.”

Prince Luo looked into the distance: “Because she’s worth it.”

After achieving a complete victory, Prince Luo sent the returning army back to the court, staying alone in the north.

15

I advised him to go back, thinking that now he had made great achievements, the emperor would surely agree to his requests. He could demand to take Ming Fei away, fake her death, disappear, or be demoted to the Cold Palace. There are many ways to craft a story for the world. After all, court mysteries have always been endless.

“If there was any room for negotiation, the emperor would have agreed long ago. Why wait until I establish my career?” Prince Luo looked at me with that gaze, making me feel like a fool. “With just our looks, in this vast world, where could we hide?”

I was still unwilling: “Are you really going to let go like this?”

“How could I really let go? I just won’t bother anymore,” Prince Luo lowered his eyes, hiding the bitterness inside. “Your elder brother treats her very well, and the emperor favors her. She should be worthy of a happy marriage in her life.”

A happiness he could never give her in this life.

Soon, Prince Luo fell ill. Everyone in the court praised him for his victory, but only I knew how many days he hadn’t taken off his armor to sleep peacefully. This young general, invincible on the battlefield, was only about twenty years old.

I and the imperial doctor accompanying the army stayed by his bedside day and night. When he was delirious, he would call “Mother,” “Elder Brother,” and the imperial doctor would be moved to tears, saying he didn’t know how painful it would be if the Empress Dowager saw him like this.

Finally, Prince Luo’s body grew stronger, and he survived this ordeal. When he woke up, the first thing he asked was whether he had spoken nonsense while unconscious.

16

I shook my head. Only then did I realize that even in a coma, Prince Luo would do his best to restrain his longing for Ming Fei, suppressing her name to avoid tarnishing her reputation in front of outsiders.

Not long after, news came that the emperor had set a date to crown Ming Fei as empress.

Prince Luo developed a cough after his illness, coughing nonstop. When he heard the news, he only coughed violently for a while, then faintly smiled: “Finally, she’s willing to let herself go.”

After the great war, Northland was in ruins. Prince Luo’s military and political affairs were not easy. I felt conflicted—sometimes hoping he could rest and recover, sometimes hoping he would stay busy, because only then could he detach himself from his deep longing for the empress.

Prince Luo stubbornly confined himself in Northland, yet stubbornly missed the empress in his own way. Although I often didn’t understand his actions, at least I knew that the annual embroidery exposition was definitely held for the empress.

I still kept the dress that the former empress had mended for me. That was the first time in my life someone was willing to mend my clothes.

Over the years, no one had ever thrown an olive branch to Prince Luo. Nobles from Northland, noble ladies from the capital, even princesses from enemy states—becoming Prince Luo’s consort was still the dream of all young women.

But the world is vast, and there is no second Xiao Youran.

Many years later, a young prince named Cheng An came from the capital to Northland. He was raised by the empress herself, with a lively and unruly personality very much like the young Prince Luo.

17

Prince Luo liked Cheng An very much. Despite his worsening cough, he still forced himself to spend several days playing with him in Northland.

They were sitting in the courtyard of the prince’s estate chatting when I went to serve tea. I overheard Cheng An saying: “I want to go back and tell my mother that the stars here are bigger and brighter than in the palace, much more beautiful. She would love to come. She always loved to watch the stars.”

My heart was stirred, almost knocking over the cup. I never thought that after so many years, the empress’s obsession with that brilliant starry sky still hadn’t faded.

But Prince Luo never knew, nor asked, why the empress loved watching stars so much. He only heard that the emperor and empress loved each other deeply, that the empress had given the emperor two princes, and that the emperor would never choose another bride for her. The court and the officials praised their harmony and stability.

He thought that the stubborn girl from back then had already let go of herself, but he didn’t realize that fulfilling the emperor’s wishes was not the same as letting go of himself.

But Prince Luo ultimately knew nothing. He only spoke leisurely: “Northland is too cold. She can’t stand it. If you are filial, you can take your mother to Luoyang to see the peonies, then go east to Yizhou to see the tides. If you’re interested, it’s also good to go to the sea. Then go down to Jiangnan. She visited there when she was young. You can look for her favorite Osmanthus and lotus root powder shop on Suzhou Street. If you’re not tired after playing for so long, Huizhou has several scenic mountains worth visiting…”

Listening to Prince Luo’s gentle narration, I knew these were routes he had planned a thousand times in his heart, but in this life, he could no longer walk hand in hand with the one he loved.

18

Cheng An asked suspiciously: “Uncle Luo seems very familiar with my mother?”

Prince Luo smiled faintly: “It’s all in the past. I’ve also seen your biological mother before. You call Cheng An, which means peaceful and safe, taking her name.”

Cheng An smiled: “Yes, I remember my mother said they and the Prince Luo’s consort have been best friends since childhood.” Then he asked Prince Luo, “I wonder what kind of woman can make Uncle Luo care for her for a lifetime?”

Prince Luo still just smiled faintly: “She was once the most beautiful girl in the capital, bright as a little sun.”

I quietly asked if Prince Luo hated Wen Susu. He only shook his head. His heart was already filled with love, unable to accommodate any other woman, not even hatred.

Cheng An’s arrival opened Prince Luo’s heart. I often advised him to return south to recover. This time, he finally agreed, asking me to find the legendary fake death medicine in the Jianghu, and began to arrange the military and political affairs in Northland. After eighteen months, he faked his death and escaped.

Prince Luo carried a sword made of oil and rice, went to Luoyang, Yizhou, Jiangnan, and all the places he had once planned for her. Finally, on Qiyun Mountain in Huizhou, he learned of the empress’s death.

Prince Luo’s hair turned white almost overnight.

He thought the empress and the emperor loved each other deeply and had long since let go of himself, so he dared to let the news of his death spread to the capital. But he never thought that the stubborn girl from back then never forgot the brilliant starry sky that belonged to him.

19

Prince Luo sat on the ancient cypress tree in front of the empress’s tomb for three days and three nights, then took that oil and rice sword and went to Jiangnan, settling in an old Daoist temple.

He was waiting, waiting for a stunning girl to come, to exchange this sword for thirty jin of lamp oil and fifty jin of rice, and then give it to her beloved.

If anyone still wants to hear the story I am about to tell, I will say a few more words.

I parted ways with Prince Luo in front of the empress’s tomb. I returned to the palace, wanting to find some of the empress’s old belongings, but was discovered by the emperor’s people and then summoned to the Yanggong Hall.

I was too lazy to resist. I wanted to see how the emperor would treat a loyal minister who had served in Northland for over ten years.

The emperor always knew I existed. I wasn’t surprised, even with Xiao Youran in the middle. It seemed there was no enmity between the brothers.

The emperor asked me if Prince Luo left peacefully, his tone more sorrowful than I imagined.

But I’ve never liked the emperor. In my heart, he is always the thief who stole Prince Luo’s treasure.

I nodded and said, “Yes,” then added, “It’s a pity that Empress Dowager never let go of that starry sky until her death.”

The emperor understood my sarcasm and did not get angry. He only said, “That starry sky was also part of her. If she could let go of Prince Luo, she wouldn’t be herself.”

She wouldn’t be the Xiao Youran who loved him to the bone.

20

I softened a little. The emperor asked what I planned to do next. I smiled and said I had plenty of skills and no worries about my future.

By then, the Empress Dowager had been dead for several years. The emperor extended an olive branch to me, so I became his secret guard again.

I have to admit, the emperor is indeed a good ruler who strives for progress. After the empress’s death, he poured all his thoughts into politics, just as I knew from a young age—detached from love and desire, becoming the most wise and capable ruler in the Empress Dowager’s ideal. He never mourned, never lamented loneliness, as if the happiness of the past decade was just a beautiful accident on his lonely path as an emperor.

But he wore old, worn nightclothes every night, sleeves and knees frayed, yet he never replaced them.

I recognized that was the empress’s craftsmanship. Sometimes I would think, Prince Luo loved so deeply all his life, yet he never received a single nightgown sewn by the one he loved.

I have lived my entire life unwittingly selling my soul to the royal family, later taking disciples, and continuing to cultivate a group of nameless people in the palace.

But I will never teach them to believe in the kindness of this world. Because, to me, there is only one Xiao Youran in this world.