Why do you feel guilty whenever you have downtime, thinking you're "not producing"? This isn't diligence—it's "existential panic." In childhood, you were probably only seen when you "performed well" or were "useful." This internalized a formula: if I'm not needed, I don't deserve to exist. You're replacing "identity" with "function," demoting yourself to a tool. Accept that "useless" but happy version of yourself. You yourself are the miracle.